If you visited a mall 20+ years ago, you might recall that the store Express Men went by a different name: Structure.
It’s not hard to imagine why the brand’s concept appealed to men. Even the most free and disorganized among us can appreciate a little structure, enjoy a good pattern, and find value in excellent design. Our lives benefit from some kind of order. And, to varying degrees, men are inclined to seek it out.
One ancient spiritual practice making a comeback is the “rule of life.” Counterintuitively, these are not a list of rules, but rather a set of disciplines and rhythms designed to help foster a more balanced spiritual existence. Think of it like a trellis. Grape growers use a wood and metal framework to help these delicate plants grow and find their way. The vine flourishes in this support system. It knows where to go, find sunlight, bear fruit, and repeat the process – better and better with each subsequent year. The structure doesn’t constrain its nature. Without it, the vine would twist, sprawl, and yield less than it was made to. It might survive “free,” but it will never be all it was created to be.
All of us respond to structure differently. You may have everything in your life organized, calendared, and measured – optimizing every resource and moment. Or you might resist any sort of routine, preferring to stay in the moment and go with the flow.
But like it or not, you have a framework. And it’s likely in need of a rebuild, a repair, or an outright demolition.
The Problem With Your Structure (Or Lack Thereof)
You probably like your current way of life, even if you feel stuck or dissatisfied. You chose it for a reason. Unfortunately, some of us stick with our frameworks long after they’ve stopped serving us well. Think of an older gent still wearing clothes that went out of style decades ago. What used to be cool is now a bit cringe. Our work habits, our relational patterns, our spiritual rhythms may serve our personalities, and may have met our aspirations for a time. But whether you’re soaring, stalling, or somewhere in between, you likely need to assess, calibrate, and adopt some new ways of being.
Just because you’re laid back doesn’t mean you can’t be motivated. Without structure, you’re not free – you’re adrift. And just because you’ve organized every second of your life doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. Without awareness, you’re simply a more productive drifter.
Whatever framework you adopt, you’ll still find yourself lost without a clear sense of direction. The kind of man you want to become should change over time – as you build skills, attain wisdom, learn from your failures, and refine your focus. The ancient leader Timothy received this advice from his mentor: “Train yourself to be godly. Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:7b-8)
In short, the sum of your habits, aimed in the right direction, will shape the course of your life.
Honesty check: how is your current framework, really? If you’re brave, ask someone with an up-close view. If neither of you has any notes whatsoever, you likely have an honesty problem.
Hint: The area(s) you are most resisting structure might be the area that needs to change. Hint #2: The area where you feel like you have it all together might be the area most in need of examination.
Building a Trellis for Your Singular Life
If you have a structure, do you know where it’s leading you? And if you know where it’s leading you, is it somewhere you actually want to go?
The goal is not a perfectly formed life. The goal is a life that is going somewhere worth going.
Your framework isn’t meant to be an impossible set of tasks, tools, or obligations. It’s a description of the man you want to be – and a set of rhythms to give that man the best chance of showing up. A few places to start:
- Pick one area. Where are you experiencing the most friction, or feeling the strongest pull to make a change? Start there – not where it’s easiest, and not where you already look disciplined.
- Start small. Don’t jump straight into the deep end. Begin by getting your feet wet, and build from there.
- Borrow what’s already working. Seeing fruit in one area of your life? Notice what’s helping you there, and graft those same principles into the places that need it.
- Assess and reassess. Don’t let yourself coast out of alignment. Celebrate your progress. Recalibrate when needed, and don’t be afraid to try something new. If you hit your goal, set a bigger one.
The right framework won’t be built overnight. But over time, it will reveal – to you and to others – a man worth becoming.
