What are you known for?
Are you the life of the party? The thoughtful listener? The adventurous eater? All of us are known for something(s). And it’s usually a mixed bag. You’ve probably noticed patterns in how the people around you describe you. And you probably have descriptors – both positive and negative – that you’ve internalized for yourself. As you think through what labels have stuck through the years, consider whether this one has come up:
Are you someone who is trustworthy? Before you answer, let’s ask that in a slightly different way. Are you known as a man who does what he says he’s going to do?
Perhaps that question is convicting. Perhaps it’s affirming. Or perhaps you just don’t know. If you’re really brave, ask someone who knows you well – a trusted friend, family member, or coworker.
In the meantime, let’s try a little exercise. Grab a piece of paper, and divide it into four sections. Write one of the following in each:
- Big Commitments
- Small Commitments
- Commitments to Others
- Commitments to Yourself
Then, start a list in each section of the active commitments you have made. Some possibilities might include: my marriage, my job, my friendships, my finances, my physical health, my faith, arriving on time, doing my chores, finishing my full workout, being a good dad, listening without interrupting, doing your best, responding to those emails, etc). Once you’re satisfied with your lists, give yourself a grade in each quadrant using the following rubric.
When it comes to my commitments, my actions align with my intentions:
A: always
B: frequently
C: generally
D: occasionally
F: rarely, if ever
How did you do? Were you an honest grader? Would others agree with your assessment? If you’re truly satisfied with how you scored, you can stop reading here.
The Gap Between Your Intentions and Your Actions
It’s all too common for us to say we’ll do something, and then, for one reason or another, not do it. Sometimes, our commitments to ourselves and others are unrealistic. We’re juggling too many things, and we’ve promised more than we can deliver. More often, our commitments compete with other priorities – one’s we’ve secretly set and are actively choosing instead.
Suppose you said you were going to start looking for a better job this week, but then the week ended, and you still hadn’t started. You likely had several opportunities to follow through. But on Monday, you were tired; Tuesday, your favorite TV show was on; Wednesday was lost to social media; Thursday was a friend’s party; and Friday was too late to start such a big task. Your commitment lost out to your priorities of rest, comfort, distraction, a good time, and excuses. You may still want that better job, but (at least this week) you want those other things more.
If someone tells you they’re going to do something, and then doesn’t follow through, chances are you’ll feel slighted, frustrated, and owed something. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, we have a much more forgiving posture when we’re the ones not keeping our commitments. As Nobel Peace Prize awardee Jane Addams put it, “The essence of immorality is the tendency to make an exception of myself.”
Trade In Your Excuses for These Habits
We want you to be known as a man who does what he says he’s going to do. Here are three habits to guide you along the way:
- Know Your Big Yes. According to Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage – pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically – to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘YES’ burning inside.” Take a look at your top commitments, and make sure you’re treating them like your number one priorities. You may need to re-evaluate what you say you’re going to do. You might need to enlist helpers (tools, software, people). Simplify, clarify, and commit to what’s most important to you in all areas of your life.
- Tell On Yourself. Be honest when you miss the mark. Especially in the small things. If you said you’d be there at 8pm, and you arrived at 8:02pm, own that you were late. Identify what prevented you from keeping your word. And commit to being there on time in the future. Don’t settle for excuses, and make adjustments to get yourself back on track. Accept responsibility for your actions (or inactions) and their consequences. What might initially feel like overkill might ultimately feel liberating – and lead to tangible shift in how others see you, and how you see yourself.
- Only Do What Only You Can Do. You are singularly equipped to do what you say you’re going to do. Even with a more narrow focus on the things that matter most (faith, family, friends, fitness, finances), you’ll still find yourself balancing several commitments at once. Commit to doing what you say you’ll do…and then do it!
No one else is going to keep your commitments. You’ll be imperfect. You’ll want to do too much. You’ll want to play it safe and small. But when you are honest with yourself and others, and shrink the daylight between your intentions and your actions, you’ll build a reputation as a man of integrity, trust, and consistency.
