Yes, we’re going there.
One of the reasons we are bad about talking about politics or religion is that we don’t talk about them. We’ve convinced ourselves nothing good will come of it. Conversations like these will only end in hurt feelings, reinforced beliefs, inflamed passions, and/or damaged relationships.
We tell ourselves and live in the belief that the only safe, rewarding political discussions are with those who agree with us. We affirm each other in our right- (or left-) ness and moral superiority. We cast those who disagree with us as misguided, ignorant, ridiculous, compromising, or morally bankrupt. And we do this with shocking ease. Ours is a self-fulfilling prophecy. We reinforce our limited thinking, and as a result, are ill prepared to have good conversations.
We need to practice. But more importantly, we need to be able to engage with people with whom we might disagree on some very real, important situations and subjects.
Because these people are not just our opponents. They are our families. Our friends. Our neighbors.
The Debate Over Real Political Dialogue
There are many dynamite sayings, principles, and wisdom sources out there. When asked to identify the most important, Jesus put it simply: Love God, and love people. (Mark 12:29-31). Easy to say, harder to do. Especially when the stakes are high.
In the name of love, we’re likely to choose one of two options when politics come up:
ATTACK: Sometimes we can’t help ourselves! We have to let our politics, our sports preferences, our very strong opinions be known. We’re convinced that we’re right, and that there will be very real consequences if the wrong person or policy or agenda comes to power. Our passions drive us to justify any number of means to produce our desired end. We might win – but our relationships, our credibility, our character might suffer damage beyond repair.
AVOID: It’s no wonder that we don’t want to fight! It’s stressful, especially when we’re convinced there’s no good possible outcome. Most of us hold immovable, intractable opinions, and any attempt to discuss them will only break the fragile truce we’ve struck by a mutually agreed upon silence. We never argue, but our relationships remain careful, shallow, and guarded.
On the surface, one of these might seem like the better option. But both are insufficient in the long run. They are recipes for short term victory and long term suffering.
We all have deeply held, complexly formed opinions. And there should be times and ways to express them freely. But our desire to express them – and the ways in which we express them – frequently undermine our primary pursuits. Ask yourself:
- What opinions or judgements are preventing me from real relationship?
- What ideas or preferences are undermining my ability to lead?
- Is my desire to be right greater than my desire to make a difference?
A New Way to Win
We can engage, converse, and partner with people who differ with us on a number of key issues – provided we can find common ground. It could be a mutual love for each other, a desire to better understand a different perspective, or a willingness to explore different visions towards a better future.
Embrace the concept of competing ideas, not competing people. In other words, learn how to have good, open conversations – especially when there are points of difference!
A few principles to guide those conversations:
- Commit to understanding the other person better.
- Realize your shared goals, values, and principles.
- Be honest about your differences.
- Acknowledge that you might be missing something. (Avoid the sin of certainty).
- Own the daylight between you and the person, platform, or policy you support.
- Explore where you are inconsistent in your own thinking.
- Admit how your perspective may be impacted by the bias, attitudes, and efforts of others.
- Pay attention to when it is important/helpful to speak, and when it is important to listen/understand.
- Be sincerely curious and open to learning something new!
In a contentious climate or election cycle, it’s easy to magnify our differences. But if we can expand our vision beyond a political party, personality, or singular issue, we might better see, understand – and yes – love the people who seem the most different, challenging, or lost.
As men of progress (not perfection), we desire to make a difference in the lives of others. And let’s be honest. It’s rare that someone will walk away from a conversation with you and switch parties or long held beliefs. But the people you love may be moved to a different way of thinking/being if they encounter someone who demonstrates genuine interest, grace, and openness – even from across the aisle.
Next time you enter a political conversation, commit to engaging in such a way that all parties emerge with a stronger sense of your mutual love for one another.
