When you picture a father, what comes up for you?
If we had to guess, you might be imagining a) the father you had – or wish you’d had, b) the father figure(s) in your life, and/or c) the father staring back at you in the mirror.
It’s no surprise that the idea of fathers and fatherhood brings up complicated feelings. All fathers are imperfect men with imperfect fathers of their own raising imperfect children. Some are pretty fantastic, others cruel and abusive, with most fall somewhere in between.
Fatherhood calls us to be more than we currently are. It puts our successes and shortcomings in stark reality. It forces us to contend with the legacy we were given and the one we are creating. And it reminds us every day that our purpose extends beyond ourselves.
We are responsible to be a presence, investor, and example for the next generation. So, how are we doing?
The Inheritance We Receive
In the words of Frank A. Clark, “A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” And while our fathers may have had certain expectations of us, we certainly have opinions about how well they parented us.
Is it any wonder that we wrestle as we enter fatherhood, especially considering how effusive or critical we are of our own. We maximize or minimize their successes or failures, handing out credit and/or blame for how we did or didn’t turn out.
Was your father present? Did he make sacrifices for you and your family? How (did he) model a healthy emotional, spiritual, and vocational life?
When we look at God, we get a clearer picture of what a loving father is supposed to be. And we also get from him a direct commandment to honor our own fathers (Exodus 20:12). No qualifiers on whether we had a good father or bad father, an absent or present father, or one we respected or admired.
One of the most universal ways we can honor our fathers is by learning the lessons they taught us. Every father figure in our life has taught us something; when we learn from and live out that lesson, we honor them.
Just as you strive to see yourselves right, you can apply the same filter on our parents. Don’t lose sight of the positive lessons you learned. Even the most destructive parent can offer valuable insights on how (or how not) to live. Don’t leave your inheritance in the dust.
The Legacy We Hope to Build
You may or may not have biological children. But you can certainly be a father figure, now or in the future. What sort of impact do you wish to make? How are you finding opportunities to teach, be present, love, discipline, and celebrate? What steps are you taking to train up your children in the way they should go?
Picture a father figure in your life that has really made a difference. What about him, specifically, has impacted you and the man you are today?*
After you read what you’ve written, imagine someone has just written those words about you. Perhaps you made an even greater impact. Perhaps they’re even more effusive in their praise.
Now go and be that man.
*If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, write a quick message to him. Put into words the difference he has made in your life, and the lessons you’ve learned. Articulate how you (plan to) honor him.
