Your math teacher was right: numbers are everywhere, and you can’t avoid them. Throughout a given day, you’ll see them on the scale, in your bank account, at the gas pump. They’ll tell you who’s winning, who’s falling behind, and how you’re doing in any number of areas.
Of course, numbers aren’t the meaning of life. (Unless you are a math teacher. And even then…dream a little bigger.) But they can and do distract us from the most important things in our lives. Imagine being at a baseball game. So many numbers. The innings go from 1 to 9. You can count balls, strikes, outs, pitches, hits, runs, errors. Every player and team carries a host of numbers tied to their performance, in this game and across the season. At the end, the team with the highest score wins.
The goal of any game is to win. But the purpose of the game is to have fun. And our investment in whichever game we’re playing often results in confusing our goals with our purpose – without even noticing.
The philosopher C. Thi Nguyen calls it “value capture”:
- We start with something that genuinely matters.
- We discover metrics that help us track and quantify what will get us there.
- We pursue the number rather than what we originally targeted.
You might start exercising to stay healthy and alive. Then you become preoccupied with your goal weight, protein intake, and oxygen levels. You might begin a new job because you want to make a difference. Then you find yourself fixated on the next title, the pay raise, the follower count. You might enter fatherhood wanting to be present and engaged. Then you’re focused on the family schedule, the college fund, the latest report card.
Metrics are incredibly helpful. They give us a sense of where we are in relation to where we want to be. As Nguyen puts it: “Metrics are useful because they compress information. They are dangerous because they compress information.”
What gets lost, unfortunately, is the main thing.
Why Men Confuse Goals and Purpose
As men, we put a great deal of focus on our goals and purpose – and rightly so. Without goals, we lack momentum. Without purpose, we lack direction. And at any point in our lives, we either need a new goal, a new purpose, or a clearer sense of which is which.
The question of purpose is a lifelong one. We usually start small, with a goal we mistake for a purpose. “I want to graduate. I want to get a job. I want to have a family.” With age and maturity, we start aiming a little higher. “I want to be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled. I want to be well-liked. I want to make a difference.” With wisdom, we learn to ask what our lives might accomplish beyond our own desires. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)
In the game of life, we aren’t the designers, but we are each positioned to play toward a unique purpose. And that is where our goals come in. Aimed in the right direction, our goals put us on the road to becoming men of excellence and integrity. We work, succeed, fail, learn, recalibrate, and work better – with small goals and large ones alike. We (hopefully) learn to separate our identity from the outcome of any particular goal or game. And we zoom out from time to time to remember why we set our goals in the first place, and what we’re truly aiming at.
Discerning and living out your purpose is deep, internal work. Tracking progress toward your goals is external and far more measurable. Most of us are more comfortable, and more confident, in assessing how we’re doing than in honestly examining who we’re becoming.
You cannot afford to lose sight of either.
Striving Well in the Right Direction
As you unpack what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it, consider a few honest questions:
- What would I pursue if there were no scoreboard attached to it?
- Where have I hit my goals and felt nothing – and what does that tell me?
- Am I living toward something, or just performing well inside someone else’s game?
You may feel like you’re winning or losing, in whole or in certain areas. You may have built a game for yourself in which you’ve invested heavily. You may need to consider the unique vision God has for you beyond this particular inning or season.
Don’t forget why you’re playing the game. Strive to the very best of your ability. And remember, you have a purpose beyond any score.
BEFORE YOU GO (aka: the short version)
What is the difference between goals and purpose? A goal is something you achieve and set down. A purpose is something you inhabit – the direction underlying all your goals, and the reason they matter in the first place.
What is value capture? A term coined by philosopher C. Thi Nguyen describing what happens when a simplified metric takes over a deeper value – when the number becomes the thing you pursue instead of the original reason behind it.
What does the Bible say about purpose and goals? Proverbs 19:21 puts it plainly: “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Plans and goals are good and necessary – but they are meant to serve a purpose deeper than any single outcome.
How do I find my purpose as a man? Start by asking what you would pursue if there were no scoreboard attached to it. Put another way, what do you really want to be and do – vocationally, relationally, spiritually? Purpose tends to live beyond what you’re currently doing or have the courage to dream.
